I am a little concerned that my life is going to be changing so much in such a short time. Only 5 weeks of teaching, 2 real lesson plans, 3 AET meetings and I will be kicked unceremoniously out the door of my school and become gloriously unemployed.

I am very happy about leaving – I think it’s time to move on to something else – but I am not overly excited about the things I don’t have control over. For example, my major supporter and closest friend in Japan, Silly Poser, will be leaving in 6 days. I also have to work out my visa situation and worry about how I’m going to maintain my excessively hedonistic lifestyle. I want to travel, but I don’t have enough reserves to pretend I’m independently wealthy…yet.

Silly Poser…Silly Poser, you are the first to be honored with a nickname in my blog. The older I get, the more I realize that net anonymity is probably best. Also, nicknames are very funny. Silly Poser is a very beautiful girl who contorts her face every time anyone takes a picture of her because she just can’t cope with how pretty she is (I think).

Anyway, I could say that I am stealing this nicknaming writing style from a blogger that I admire very much and who is a much better writer than I will ever be…but c’mon. We’ve seen this writing style in every Seinfeld episode, right? So no, I’m not going to admit it.

Back to the main theme of this post – “crashing” – I am feeling dangerously needy right now. It’s the kind of unstable that makes me do strange things like smile but not feel anything at all when Silly Poser broke my Ikea 365 plate or feel myself stabbed in the heart if Silly Poser doesn’t sit by me at karaoke. I’m not coping well with how I feel and I think it’s partially monthly hormones and partially me struggling with myself to not hold onto something and someone I’ve become attached to, especially when I know we’re going to part paths so soon. I want to say that these emotions aren’t really how I perceive things. They’re just flashes of feelings I can’t seem to control. So I’m just sitting here being glum and ignoring many feelings while trying to make the best of the situation and have as good a time as possible with the days I have left. And I do have some really good days left. :) I’m especially looking forward to Indiana Jones and dinner this Sunday.

I also have a lot of travel to look forward to this year. I’m going to France, England, Italy and possibly Spain in September. Then I will probably be going to India in October and Australia in December if I can. Also, next month I might go to Korea and in August I’m going back to the States. This may or may not include trips to LA and NY before I go to Vancouver for a wedding. I guess it depends when I run out of money.

I am really blessed to have so many things planned. I am also blessed to have the whole cast of Star Wars, minus Harrison Ford, coming to Japan next month. I should focus on things to be thankful for and I know it. I am doing it. I am trying.

As a sidenote, the real thing holding my sanity together is the Harry Potter books. I have waited and now that the entire series is out, I’ve decided to read it in one go. After seeing the movies, it’s a lot like getting to know an old friend even better. So when school lets out, you can often find me curled up at cafes in Tokyo, imagining to keep myself from…myself.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, June 12th, 2008 at 11:13 am and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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